What is it about things that can potentially be scary that causes people to hold back on the details??? Pregnancy for example has more hidden secrets than Pharaoh's pyramids! Do people honestly think that if they tell you all the details before you get pregnant that you will choose not to??? I think there was a counsel of old women who sat around a roaring fire one evening and made a pact to wait until all the younger women got knocked up to tell them anything!
** CAUTION: THIS BLOG WILL CONTAIN GROSS STUFF!**
So the minute you find out you are pregnant you start counting up the months. Little Susie or Little Johnnie will be born 9 months from conception right??? So you have it all figured out, you head to the Doc to confirm your exciting suspicions and then WHAMO! Out of nowhere they tell you the due date and its a month off. How can this be?!?!? I know when I got pregnant! I even counted with my fingers. Yes I am quite sure they are mistaken. So you ask....ARE YOU SURE THAT DUE DATE IS RIGHT?!?! I THINK YOU MIGHT BE OFF BY A MONTH! Then the nurse gives you the look that you will get so many times throughout your pregnancy. The look that says, "Oh yes, you are a first time mother, you poor sweet unsuspecting girl." She then gently explains that pregnancy is 40 weeks which roughly translates into 10 months. WHAT?!?! None of my science classes teach 10 months!!! I have always heard 9 months!!! Someone somewhere decided this would be the first of so many cruel pregnancy jokes!
The next thing that you find out late about are the changes your body is going to go through. Yes, yes, we all know about morning sickness, bulging bellies and stretch marks but there's more!!! YEAH I KNOW! MORE! Did you know that as your uterus stretches with the baby's growth you actually have abdominal pain? Your belly also itches like crazy as the skin starts to get taut with baby. Some people develop terrible varicose veins on their legs so bad they have to wear support hose. Your boobs become as tender as a man's kohonas (I imagine) so that just brushing against something is painful. Not only do your boobs and belly get bigger but so do your arms, butt, nose, well anything that has skin attached to it! And all this is just some of the stuff that happens during pregnancy!!!
Once its time to have that precious bundle of joy there are more surprises. They no longer give you an enema. You are just supposed to push and poo on the table. From what I hear they efficiently and quietly clean it up where you may never know it happened. Also if you give birth to a boy, it is the OB that actually does the circumcision. Is it just me or is this incredibly ironic. A doctor that only went to school for woman parts is going to mess with the most manly part of all, possibly scaring the child for life if too much is taken or not enough!!! Then once you get finished with the most tiring experience of your life and have pushed out a baby and the surrounding goo, the doc will reach inside of you and pull a karate kid. Wax on, wax off. They want to be sure there is nothing left inside of you that might cause you to hemorrhage later on. Yep, their hand inside your who who! And if your uterus doesn't contract on its own after the birthing experience (which helps to re-tighten everything) they actually give you a shot of something to make you contract!!! I thought I would be done with contractions at this point!!!
Now on to the rest. You apparently do not nurse just out of the end of your nipple, you nurse out of the entire nipple! You also squirt milk during sex and in the shower! Face it ladies, we are destined to be dairy production lines. We also can no longer hold our pee pee as well as we used to be able to and our taut who whos might not be so taut anymore! And this is only the stuff I have found out so far that has been shocking to me. I am sure there will be a long list in the months and years to come that have escaped human decency to tell us unsuspecting women! Until then, be fruitful and multiply at your own risk!
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Friday, April 16, 2010
When A Child Is Born......So Is A Daddy!
I know I might be a little bit biased but I am pretty sure I married the greatest man in the world! Does that mean he is perfect? HAHA! NOPE! Far from it but he's pretty fabulous!
As a little girl when you play house with your dolls and pretend Mommy Barbie and Daddy Barbie have baby Barbie. You have Daddy Barbie helping Mommy Barbie in every way. Changing diapers, holding baby, feeding baby; whatever Mommy Barbie does, so does Daddy Barbie. Fast forward twenty years and somewhere in the deep recesses of your brain you still think this is going to be the case! And according to most all my friends, its not! Now who knows once Baby Wink arrives what Hubby might do but so far he has been a dream!
I have actually been quite amused with Hubby. As soon as he found out we were expecting he has talked to my belly (never mind the fact that I told him the baby couldn't hear him until 18 weeks) but for some reason takes on a robot voice every time! "Hel- lo-Ba-by-this-is-Da-ddy-speak-ing. What-are-you-do-ing-in-there?" Our little bundle is going to think its half android or it may already be thinking (13 years ahead of its time) that its Dad is weird! But hey, Hubby is taking an interest and interacting with the baby, so I am thrilled.
I was cleaning the house recently along with Hubby (yes we share the work) and had swept a mess into a big pile and was ready to sweep it into the dust pan when he walked into the room. He immediately got a panicked look on his face and told me I wasn't allowed to do that because I was pregnant. "Bend over?" I asked him sarcastically and he himed and hawed and finally gave in. Not to mention now every time I get in the car he tells me to put on my seat-belt (even though I have never ridden in a car without one and it is usually on when he says it). I talked to him on the phone recently and he very dramatically told me how he was dealing with the mortality of life right now and was "EVEN GOING THE SPEED LIMIT ON MY MOTORCYCLE!!!" He was in awe of himself!
Another evening we had dinner with friends and were walking to the car when I remembered I had bought an outfit for Baby Wink that day. I ran to the car to show my friend and I assumed Hubby would roll his eyes and tell me I didn't need to spend any money or something to that effect. Instead he got all dreamy looking and softly announced that he could not wait to meet our baby! I almost cried it was so sweet! When we got the stroller and infant car seat travel system, Hubby immediately had to try everything out. He installed it in his car, pressed every button, pulled every cord and said he would be reading the entire instruction book. After he knew how to install it in his car he asked me if I was ready to put it in my car!!!! I said thank you but that thing will be in my car for the next 10 years, let's not expedite the process. It can wait 5 months! His look of disappointment almost made me change my mind.... almost.
My Christmas present this year was a crib Hubby built by hand because he was just so excited about being a Daddy. It was so sweet and I loved the thought but its too low, the stain scares me if the child decides to gnaw, the dowels aren't regulation width and I am sure I am just scratching the surface of what could be harmful to our child. Hubby didn't care. He was so proud. He said he didn't care if we ever used it, he just wanted to see if he could do it. HAHA! We agreed to use it as a toddler bed when Baby outgrows the crib.
A friend gave us a Baby k'Tan (for those of you as new to this as me, its a baby wrap thing that is like a jersey version of a Baby Bjorn) that she had used. As soon as I showed Hubby he had to try it out. He got online, found the video instructions for putting it on and was soon carrying our 6 pound Chorkie, Phoebe, around the house while he was taking a work phone call. They both loved it!
I can go on and on about Hubby's funny, excited antics since he found out he was going to be a Daddy but I am just thankful to have such an involved and loving husband that already loves our child so much! Thank you Hubby and I love you so much!
As a little girl when you play house with your dolls and pretend Mommy Barbie and Daddy Barbie have baby Barbie. You have Daddy Barbie helping Mommy Barbie in every way. Changing diapers, holding baby, feeding baby; whatever Mommy Barbie does, so does Daddy Barbie. Fast forward twenty years and somewhere in the deep recesses of your brain you still think this is going to be the case! And according to most all my friends, its not! Now who knows once Baby Wink arrives what Hubby might do but so far he has been a dream!
I have actually been quite amused with Hubby. As soon as he found out we were expecting he has talked to my belly (never mind the fact that I told him the baby couldn't hear him until 18 weeks) but for some reason takes on a robot voice every time! "Hel- lo-Ba-by-this-is-Da-ddy-speak-ing. What-are-you-do-ing-in-there?" Our little bundle is going to think its half android or it may already be thinking (13 years ahead of its time) that its Dad is weird! But hey, Hubby is taking an interest and interacting with the baby, so I am thrilled.
I was cleaning the house recently along with Hubby (yes we share the work) and had swept a mess into a big pile and was ready to sweep it into the dust pan when he walked into the room. He immediately got a panicked look on his face and told me I wasn't allowed to do that because I was pregnant. "Bend over?" I asked him sarcastically and he himed and hawed and finally gave in. Not to mention now every time I get in the car he tells me to put on my seat-belt (even though I have never ridden in a car without one and it is usually on when he says it). I talked to him on the phone recently and he very dramatically told me how he was dealing with the mortality of life right now and was "EVEN GOING THE SPEED LIMIT ON MY MOTORCYCLE!!!" He was in awe of himself!
Another evening we had dinner with friends and were walking to the car when I remembered I had bought an outfit for Baby Wink that day. I ran to the car to show my friend and I assumed Hubby would roll his eyes and tell me I didn't need to spend any money or something to that effect. Instead he got all dreamy looking and softly announced that he could not wait to meet our baby! I almost cried it was so sweet! When we got the stroller and infant car seat travel system, Hubby immediately had to try everything out. He installed it in his car, pressed every button, pulled every cord and said he would be reading the entire instruction book. After he knew how to install it in his car he asked me if I was ready to put it in my car!!!! I said thank you but that thing will be in my car for the next 10 years, let's not expedite the process. It can wait 5 months! His look of disappointment almost made me change my mind.... almost.
My Christmas present this year was a crib Hubby built by hand because he was just so excited about being a Daddy. It was so sweet and I loved the thought but its too low, the stain scares me if the child decides to gnaw, the dowels aren't regulation width and I am sure I am just scratching the surface of what could be harmful to our child. Hubby didn't care. He was so proud. He said he didn't care if we ever used it, he just wanted to see if he could do it. HAHA! We agreed to use it as a toddler bed when Baby outgrows the crib.A friend gave us a Baby k'Tan (for those of you as new to this as me, its a baby wrap thing that is like a jersey version of a Baby Bjorn) that she had used. As soon as I showed Hubby he had to try it out. He got online, found the video instructions for putting it on and was soon carrying our 6 pound Chorkie, Phoebe, around the house while he was taking a work phone call. They both loved it!
I can go on and on about Hubby's funny, excited antics since he found out he was going to be a Daddy but I am just thankful to have such an involved and loving husband that already loves our child so much! Thank you Hubby and I love you so much!
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Chubby Bunny
Spring is a time for bright colors, sundresses and new life. I must admit I am happy about the new life- especially my small new life inside of me! Sundresses are a Godsend for expanding bellies and hot flashes. But bright colors? Obviously Spring did not get the memo that I cannot go to the tanning bed and look like Casper trying to go tropical! To make matters worse a nice tan helps make you look thinner all over and at a time when looking the slightest bit more thin can do wonders for your ego, its really a letdown!
Needless to say I donned my bright Easter apparel and set off to spend the weekend with the fam. The first people to see me were my aunts. I met them at a shop and they immediately hugged me and had to rub my belly. Neither commented on how great I looked but neither commented on my bulging body either! 0 Points for my ego. So while I was shopping with the aunts I decided to purchase some large gaudy earrings that would hopefully draw people's attention from my midsection to my face.... or at least my ears! Anything to help confuse the masses.
Our next stop was dinner with all 18 of my family members. Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, Cousins babies, Maw Maw... you get the idea. As each person trickled in, the reactions were hilarious. My brother didn't even want to look at me below the neck. When he did he had a funny look on his face like someone had just offered to put honey on broccoli and feed it to him. And when I told him to touch my belly because it was starting to get hard I thought I had sent him over the edge. Minus 1 Point for the ego.
My oldest cousin couldn't stop smiling (this might have to do with the fact that he is a proud new papa himself) and his girlfriend wanted to know everything. They were the most excited but I think it is because they are secretly hoping my child will be louder than theirs and I will get dirty looks and they can point to theirs and say "Look how good ours is acting!" Or maybe that is my paranoia setting in. 1 Point for the ego so back to 0.
Everyone else hugged me and wanted to feel my belly and let me go on and on about Baby this and Baby that. They patiently looked at each ultrasound picture as if they cared to see the fuzzy black and white pictures of Skeletore while they were eating. And of course each one decided what the sex was going to be. 5 Points for the ego.
Leave it to Maw Maw (my mother's mom) to make me feel like the prom queen. Midway through the meal as she sat halfway down the long table and I was at one end she loudly declared that she thought I looked more beautiful than she had ever seen me and that she thought pregnancy agreed with me! WOW! Now what girl doesn't want to hear that everyday of her life! Score 10 points for the ego! So needless to say I was on cloud nine the rest of my time with the fam.
But the weekend wouldn't be complete without stopping in to see my Grandmother (dad's mom) on the drive home. Hubby and I were so excited. We were going to visit with her, have an awesome home cooked meal and get to pick up the baby bassinet that was my father's and has been used for every baby on that side of the family since. Our child will be the 12th in 54 years! AMAZING! As we pulled into Grandmother's driveway she came out to greet us on the porch. She gave me a hug and a once over and we went inside. As we sat down I thought my ego was going to get another boost when she began a sentence saying "You don't even look pregnant!" Of course I began to beam. But it was short lived because the next words out of her mouth took the wind right out of my sails! "You just look like you are getting chubby all over, especially in your arms!" WHAT??! CHUBBY?!?! I have never been called chubby!!! My life is over! Minus 50 Points for the ego!!! But then I couldn't help but laugh because the scene was so comical! Hubby was trying to pick his jaw up off the floor and couldn't decide what to say, Grandmother was just so darn proud to be having another great grandchild housed in a "healthy" vessel and I was trying to get compliments like "You don't look pregnant" when I am over 5 months pregnant!
As we got in the car to come home Hubby looked at me pitifully and I assured him I was ok but that he should have been there through puberty! We laughed and drove away feeling just a little deflated but so excited about Spring, new life, sunshine and family!
Needless to say I donned my bright Easter apparel and set off to spend the weekend with the fam. The first people to see me were my aunts. I met them at a shop and they immediately hugged me and had to rub my belly. Neither commented on how great I looked but neither commented on my bulging body either! 0 Points for my ego. So while I was shopping with the aunts I decided to purchase some large gaudy earrings that would hopefully draw people's attention from my midsection to my face.... or at least my ears! Anything to help confuse the masses.
Our next stop was dinner with all 18 of my family members. Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, Cousins babies, Maw Maw... you get the idea. As each person trickled in, the reactions were hilarious. My brother didn't even want to look at me below the neck. When he did he had a funny look on his face like someone had just offered to put honey on broccoli and feed it to him. And when I told him to touch my belly because it was starting to get hard I thought I had sent him over the edge. Minus 1 Point for the ego.
My oldest cousin couldn't stop smiling (this might have to do with the fact that he is a proud new papa himself) and his girlfriend wanted to know everything. They were the most excited but I think it is because they are secretly hoping my child will be louder than theirs and I will get dirty looks and they can point to theirs and say "Look how good ours is acting!" Or maybe that is my paranoia setting in. 1 Point for the ego so back to 0.
Everyone else hugged me and wanted to feel my belly and let me go on and on about Baby this and Baby that. They patiently looked at each ultrasound picture as if they cared to see the fuzzy black and white pictures of Skeletore while they were eating. And of course each one decided what the sex was going to be. 5 Points for the ego.
Leave it to Maw Maw (my mother's mom) to make me feel like the prom queen. Midway through the meal as she sat halfway down the long table and I was at one end she loudly declared that she thought I looked more beautiful than she had ever seen me and that she thought pregnancy agreed with me! WOW! Now what girl doesn't want to hear that everyday of her life! Score 10 points for the ego! So needless to say I was on cloud nine the rest of my time with the fam.
But the weekend wouldn't be complete without stopping in to see my Grandmother (dad's mom) on the drive home. Hubby and I were so excited. We were going to visit with her, have an awesome home cooked meal and get to pick up the baby bassinet that was my father's and has been used for every baby on that side of the family since. Our child will be the 12th in 54 years! AMAZING! As we pulled into Grandmother's driveway she came out to greet us on the porch. She gave me a hug and a once over and we went inside. As we sat down I thought my ego was going to get another boost when she began a sentence saying "You don't even look pregnant!" Of course I began to beam. But it was short lived because the next words out of her mouth took the wind right out of my sails! "You just look like you are getting chubby all over, especially in your arms!" WHAT??! CHUBBY?!?! I have never been called chubby!!! My life is over! Minus 50 Points for the ego!!! But then I couldn't help but laugh because the scene was so comical! Hubby was trying to pick his jaw up off the floor and couldn't decide what to say, Grandmother was just so darn proud to be having another great grandchild housed in a "healthy" vessel and I was trying to get compliments like "You don't look pregnant" when I am over 5 months pregnant!
As we got in the car to come home Hubby looked at me pitifully and I assured him I was ok but that he should have been there through puberty! We laughed and drove away feeling just a little deflated but so excited about Spring, new life, sunshine and family!
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