IT'S A...................

BABY! Yes, we are some of the unique few that has decided not to find out the sex of our child. It is a strange feeling to have a life growing inside of you and never know what to call "it." I am constantly searching for news ways not to say "it." "It" sounds so unloving and cold like this isn't a life. I call "it" "baby", "bundle", "shrimp" and "baby wink" just to name a few.  Anything works really, as long as it's not "it!" Friends have come up with clever names like Shamequa Tomika Bon Que Que for my "it". Others ask about my "little one." Yesterday, the ultrasound tech said it was the size of a Barbie and I thought of calling "it" that but then wondered what "it" would think about being called Barbie if it grew into a man anywhere near the size of my hubby! Probably a little emasculating!

So many people have said "WHY aren't you finding out?!?!" or "I could never do that!!!" but I honestly can't imagine doing it any other way! I love surprises and I think this is the ULTIMATE in life's surprises for us! Hubby on the other hand is just along for the ride! I thought he was going to whip out some cash yesterday in the ultrasound room after the tech said she knew what it was! He kept craning his neck to catch a peek until finally I had to threaten to put him in a corner! He asked me how I was gonna do that and I quickly let him know there are privileges that can be taken away!  ; )   (Man I already have this mothering thing DOWN!)

I think one of the funniest things during pregnancy has been everyone's need to decide what the baby will be. Hubby got online and looked up the Chinese calendar and said we are having a girl.....I looked it up and it said boy half the time and girl the other half. Family decided immediately from the first heart rate that it was a girl. A Chinese woman at lunch yesterday said it was a boy because I am only carrying in my tummy. (This, only after she rubbed my belly while I was eating!) I however think I am gaining everywhere so maybe its a girl. People have seen the baby's profile pic and said it looked masculine so it is a boy. But ultimately, half of you will be right! We've got a 50% chance here of figuring this one out. Although Hubby is now convinced we are having Skeletor and is quite pumped about it! I think he thinks all his boyhood hero days are about to be fulfilled. I am sorry to disappoint everyone but I have no gut feelings and could really care less. I really do want to be surprised come August. No matter what I will be so thrilled just to hold Baby in my arms and touch and squeeze "it." But for now I will just continue trying not to say "it" and listen to everyone's predictions and suggestions!

It's cute?!?!

So I have been thin or relatively so for all 27 years of my life. This morning I woke up to the realization that I am not. Not only that, but I am supposed to be excited, even giddy about my new rounding body. What's up with that?!?! I mean don't get me wrong, I am thrilled about what my plump new center means but still the idea of seeing yourself being blown up like a balloon is not fun at all!!! You see, I am 19 weeks and 5 days pregnant with our first child! Thrilling, yes; but an ethereal, connected to the Earth experience, no!

Just a few short weeks ago, I could not wait to see my protruding belly. I thought it would be cute like Heidi Klum or Angelina Jolie but guess what???? If you didn't have their body pre-preggars you don't magically get it because a sweet little baby arrives in your belly!!! Nope, hate to say it out loud but this morning I realized there isn't a thing about this that is cute! Your clothes don't fit so you are actually running around town with your pants unzipped and unbuttoned and the only thing separating you from the song "Pants on the Ground" is a tight spandex tube! You can kiss button down shirts goodbye unless you are just gonna wear them unbuttoned and let the girls fly or go to the dreaded cami that really shows off that baby bump! Shoes are becoming an issue because you really can't wear anything complicated because you will never get them on. If you can't slip into them or call your husband over to put them on for you, forget it! And bras!!! Why don't they have maternity bras??? They have nursing bras. Why hasn't someone invented a bra that somehow grows with you! I had to go buy a new bra this weekend and I still have 5 months to grow....oh I mean go! This is not going to be pretty come August!

Oh but everywhere you go, friends and family start seeing the first "signs of life" and they all exclaim.... "LOOK HOW CUTE!!!!" It thrills people (myself included until just this week) to see that yes you really are going to have a baby and here is the magical proof. Forget all the stuff you have been telling them that has suddenly begun to malfunction in your body, this, this little bulge proves it! Not the sonogram image of the shrimp. Not the videotape of the heart beat. Not the process of picking out the name. Nope this single "little" transformation makes it real to anyone that knows you.

But just as I think, man is this really worth it? My baby begins to stretch and move and I realize I never had a chance. Of course it's worth it! This baby is the product of the love my husband and I share. This is half him and half me! (Hopefully more him than me!) This is everything we have dreamed of. So I will watch as I can eventually eat my morning cereal off my stomach and be happy about it but for now I will just think its a little surreal.